Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
