she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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