It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
