He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize