Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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