Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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