on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
