As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
