security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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