We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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