I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
