I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!â€while he was cumming
Randomize
