Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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