My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
