Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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