turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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