oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
