I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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