I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
