think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
