non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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