if only i could text you this smell
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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