yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
