I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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