those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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