Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
