i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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