My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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