remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
