i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
