what day is it and did you see me today?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
