he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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