Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
