That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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