your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I smell stomach acid.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
