it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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