You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
