We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Rumble strips road head = magical
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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