My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
