no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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