I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
