I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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