I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
