After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
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I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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