she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
