It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
