haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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