Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
