I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I yelled at your uterus for you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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