This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
