someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
