how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
