she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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