We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
