I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
