I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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