somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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