I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
