I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
