and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
