I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
