my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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