I just pynch a tree in the face
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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