Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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