my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
